A little time away from any challenge can offer fresh perspective and so not thinking about the problem with my kiln for a couple of days was good. A few days following the failed firing, I walked out to the studio and looked at the kiln thinking that an answer might be evident if I looked at it long and hard enough. As I eliminated possible causes that could be at the root of the problem, I kept coming back to the same conclusion- the burner capacity was too low or the size of the kiln was too large or both.
The burners were definitely on the low side of acceptable rated at 250,000 BTU/hr. each for a kiln made completely of hard brick and its size. I knew that when I designed the kiln, but thought with a little longer firing schedule, the kiln would get up to temperature. Buying two new burners that would have greater output could cost as much as $2,500. I could probably sell my old burners for half of what I paid for them, but still a lot of money in order to stick to my out-of-pocket financing and business model. I could reduce the size of the kiln by taking the kiln down and rebuilding a smaller version. I had a studio full of pots and glazes ready to apply but didn’t have a functioning kiln to fire.
Just before placing an order for two, new, larger burners, I paused and started wondering if that was what I really wanted to do. A friend once shared with me that when you’re sailing and find the wind has pushed you way off course, the goal isn’t to get back on course, it’s to look toward your destination and figure out the best way to get there. While building this kiln was the course I had charted, my actual destination was to integrate being a potter into the life I had created during the forty-five years since leaving it. I started to think that getting back on my initial course wasn’t going to help me reach my destination.
One thing I kept thinking about was how different my life is today compared to 1970 when I was in college. I guess it goes without saying, but back then I had just a few things to think about. My parents supported me through college so I was able to spend all of my time focused on school and ceramics. Even over the summer, my focus was making pottery to sell (the word “sell” should really be in quotes, because there wasn’t a lot of that) at fairs and shops and my parents supported me in doing that. Now, looking back, I realize their support and my singular focus on clay was not necessarily a good thing. I didn’t have to make sure the income and expenses balanced out and I had few responsibilities to assume other than pottery. That’s all changed during the forty-five years between then and now.
I was also struck, as I reflected on the past few months devoted to making pottery, how much more difficult it is now to make time to put my full attention into my work. I know that it’s all about the choices we make, but when I was in college, there weren’t as many choices about what to do with my time because the layers of my life were just starting to be laid down. Could I give up some of the responsibilities that I have today, peel off a few layers and find more time to devote to pottery? Sure! Do I really want to? I’m not so sure. So what I started thinking about as I looked at this beautiful kiln I had just constructed over the past two years with bricks from an old salt kiln in Maryland and that now needed some tweaks to make it work was how could I integrate my new venture of returning to making pottery into the life that I’ve created and love? Back when I was 18, I worked hard to build a life around pottery, now I was trying to make pottery a part of a life already built.
Two days later, my son, Jackson, came over to the studio and in two hours the kiln’s arc was down and the next day the entire kiln was piled up on the floor. Two days later a young potter, Travis, from a community not far from mine answered my advertisement on Craigslist and made his first of three trips to pick up the 500 Bartol bricks I used to build the wood/gas kiln. Travis graduated from college in Oregon after serving a few tours of duty in Afghanistan and it was his dream to build a wood fired kiln once he gets settled in at his own place. He shared with me that firing a wood kiln was the most amazing experience he had in art school and he couldn’t wait to pick up where he left off. Knowing this dissolved most of the feelings of failure that I had about not realizing my own dream of building and firing a wood kiln. It also helped that I have a pretty good pile of Bartol bricks still in a pile that I’m hanging on to for now because you never know. Luckily, all those piles of bricks from Maryland turned out to be a lot more than 500. Bruce Bartol and his bricks live to see another day.
Now, I’ve got to get busy and build a new kiln.